Pencils, pencils, pencils

It's been a couple weeks since my last post and I thought I'd take a moment and give a brief update about what has been going on.

Remember how I asked for prayers for three boys in my class? Well, one is no longer in the program. My understanding is that he and his siblings are now attending a different school and, therefore, won't be attending the after school program at Breakthrough. This saddens me a bit because he was a really great kid who was full of potential! My prayer for him now is that he'll realize his potential and focus on his work to get the grades I know he's capable of.

The other two students I've asked prayers for have been improving little by little. Most recently was this past Wednesday. We were sitting at the table during Kids' Cafe, when I asked the two if they would be staying in the green zone. Both boys promised they would stay in the green zone! This prompted the other kids to promise they would also stay in the green zone for the day. And guess what?! ALL the kids stayed in the green zone for the entire day! I was so thrilled! It's not every day that each child will get a prized for being student of the day, but that day was such a good day for all of them they each got rewarded!

Something people might be able to help with is a pencil drive. I have been asked to spearhead a pencil drive for one of the local schools just across the street from the church where I help with youth ministry. There are approximately 500 kids and our goal is to collect just over 1,000 pencils so each child at the school can have 2 pencils. If this is something you think you might be able to help with feel free to send me an email and I'll let you know how to get the pencils here. My email is jmp9783@gmail.com

I would ask that you pray for me as I'm still in the search for a church to call my own while I'm here. So far, there will not be anything that could replace my church from back home, but I've found one that might come close. I'd also ask prayer for my own growth personally and spiritually. This is such a great time in my life to develop talents and gifts that God has given me.

As for my fundraising efforts I am currently at $3,725 of the $6,500 that I've been asked to raise. If you feel led to give feel free to contact me and I'll be able to get you the information needed to make a donation. All donations are tax deductible and you are helping in spreading the Gospel of Christ.

Blessings to you all,

James Potts

This rainy day and Monday didn't get me down!

Here it is a rainy Monday evening. I thought I would take some time to reflect on the benefit that took place on Friday evening. This event is the biggest fundraising event of the year. The Hyatt Regency was the venue for this event. There were about 1300 people in attendance. I was there to help keep the kids in the Breakthrough Youth Choir occupied while they waited to go on stage.

The day started at 11:45 am for me. Some of the kids only had a half day of school and would arrive early to the center where we would have a bit of lunch and watch a movie before heading out to the hotel. Once at the hotel, the kids had a sound check before any of the attendees arrived. The kids sounded great! We move to the green room where the hotel kitchen had made pizza and other snacks for the kids. The room we had was very small; not enough space for about forty very energetic kids. We’re playing games, coloring, and some even playing double dutch.

It was time for the kids to line up outside the ballroom before heading in to sing. We walk in while someone is finishing up her speech. The kids are nervous, but remain calm. Finally, it’s their turn to take the stage. The music starts and they begin to march up on stage. They are beaming with pride and joy; swaying from side to side and clapping to the beat. As they are singing, I find myself with tears streaming down my face. Why was I crying? I mean, I practically hated working at this place for the first few weeks I was there. Breakthrough is a place I have come to love. Working with the kids is such a rewarding experience. I found myself crying because I know what these kids are capable of. They have so much potential. I was crying because society has already condemned these kids to be failures because of where they live. This is what Breakthrough is working to change. The kids are intelligent, creative, and full of energy! I was crying because I love these kids.

The benefit was a huge success. The financial goal of the organization was to raise $700,000. As of Saturday afternoon, the count was just over $804,000! The Lord is good! This will definitely keep the programs we offer up and running!

Now, there is something I would like to ask you all to pray for. I have a few students in the class I work with that are having a bit of trouble. They are very close to being expelled from the program. They have some behavior issues and are continually getting in trouble for the same things. These boys are smart boys, but they let themselves become distracted. I work with each of them one on one and know they are capable of great work. I would ask that you keep these three boys in your prayers.

This week is fall break for many Chicago Public Schools, so our program is a bit different this week. We have program in the morning and not in the afternoon. So, it’s a little less hectic than usual, which is nice after a long week last week.

I’m looking forward to a quick visit home this coming weekend! I can’t wait to see my family, friends, and church family!

I can't wait to get to work today!

I am in such wonderful spirits today! I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that God is in it all! With all the struggles that I have been through over the past seven weeks, things are taking dramatic turns for the better! There was a point at my placement at Breakthrough I felt like a stranger, an intruder, and an outsider. That feeling is no more! I feel like I've been truly accepted and feel like a member of the team. I have my work email address and I am getting to know the staff better on a daily basis. There was a point when I would wake up in the morning and think to myself, "Crap, I HAVE to go to Breakthrough today." Now, when I wake up, I think, "I can't wait to get to work today!" Now, I also want to be here every day, but because of my other responsibilities I can only be here three days a week. I'll be teaching the Bible/character lesson on Mondays in November and was asked if I might be interested in co-teaching a music class on Fridays. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm sure excited about what will be taking place!

I hope you are all well!

JMP

It will be worth it all

Before I get started I want to put a disclaimer on this. The views, opinions, and feelings expressed in this blog are solely mine and do not reflect the views, beliefs, opinions, etc. of PCUSA, DOOR Network, First Church of the Brethren, or Breakthrough Urban Ministries.

I’m sitting in a Starbucks listening to the hustle and bustle of baristas, espresso machines, and friends laughing as they are catching up after the weekend. I’m sipping on my orange blossom tea and reflecting on the past six weeks. I can’t believe I’ve been here in the city for a month and a half. These past several weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I’m going to be very frank about some of the things I’ve been feeling and experiencing.

I was very excited about this new experience. I was especially excited about living in Chicago! I’ve always felt trapped living in Danville. As an out gay man, there really was no place for me where I could be myself 100%. I knew coming to Chicago I would be able to go out and not have the great fear of being called horrible names or have things being thrown at me. I was excited about being able to go to the “gay neighborhood” and meet people, make new friends. I was excited about a new job working with two different youth ministries. I was excited about having one of the greatest cities, and all its benefits and opportunities, right outside my door.

The whirlwind of emotions started before I even arrived in Chicago. I became so nervous and anxious I was making myself physically ill. I remember the flight to New York for our YAV orientation. I had a fever, chills, and my body ached. We arrived at Stony Point just after dinner, but they had saved some food for those who arrived late. After I finished my food I made my way to the auditorium for opening worship. After that service I felt like all my fears had been taken away. It was incredible to see and feel the Lord’s work. After that, I thought it was going to be smooth sailing from there on out. Boy was I mistaken.

The week was filled with sessions ranging from cultural competency, sexual misconduct, self-care, and a whole host of other topics. The sexual misconduct session really seemed to irritate many of the YAVs. Why you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The facilitator of this session made it so hetero-centric and hetero-normative completely ignoring that there are other types of relationships than male and female. She was also implying that the only kind of sexual misconduct happens between a male and a female, in which the male is the aggressor. This caused much discussion amongst the YAVs after the session. The YAV facilitators quickly caught on and realized how offended and upset many were, they brought it up at the beginning of the next session and had a brief discussion about how we were all feeling. Kudos YAV staff!!

By Thursday I was completely wiped out emotionally. I remember during the evening worship service I completely broke down. I began crying for what may have appeared to some as no real reason at all. Well, there was a reason. The night before, I had called my mother to let her know I was OK and that things were going well. Just a general “good son” check-in. Before I hung up, she said “I love you.” I’ve always known my parents and family members love me. It is not, however, something that we throw around a lot. I was caught off guard. By the end of worship on Thursday my emotions were boiling over and I needed to release. So, I did. I let the flood gates open. I was able to process this with the orientation chaplain. When I signed up for this I did not know it was going to be so intense emotionally.

The week wrapped up, we all said our good-bye’s, and began our journeys to our cities to begin our year of service.

Two of my roommates and I arrived in Chicago and we met our interim site coordinator, Benjamin. He took us to lunch, then to our house where we began to get settled and to rest. We then had to go to the airport to pick up our final roommate. She is not doing the YAV program, but rather going directly through DOOR. We were treated to a wonderfully fabulous meal at The Cheesecake Factory, and we were told not to get used to all the special and good food.

Our first week in Chicago consisted of getting to know the grid system of the city, meeting lots of people, visiting our placement sites, and getting to know each other. After all, we would be living together for the next year.

Our work week started the day after Labor Day. I did not have to be at work until the afternoon (the joys of working in an afterschool program). I didn’t do much during the day other than prepare myself mentally for what I was about to encounter. I knew that my first week or so would be learning about the program and what they do and those sorts of things. However, I wasn’t expecting to do some of the things I had been doing: taking out the trash, wiping down toilets, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. Don’t get me wrong, these things have to be done. I was given the impression I’d be in more of a leadership role in my class rather than that of custodian.

Things were not going well, the kids were out of control, and I was extremely frustrated. I was ready to give up on the program. I was ready to go back home to Danville. I was angry, disappointed, and frustrated. One evening, one of my roommates and I made a list. We divided this list into two categories: Why I did YAV and How I feel about YAV-Chicago right now. So, here is why I did YAV:

-I felt like I could do more ministry/service than at home (music & youth, worship planning, being more involved as not just a lay person doing things but as a more interested leader/rep/mission minister through YAV)

-Chicago would stretch me the most (outside my comfort zone) forcing me to rely fully on God, living in a HUGE city, living in community with other YAVs

-I was looking forward to a different type of service such as living in community (even though it would be a struggle), and discerning my future (with tools and space to do so).

-I was expecting challenges and growth

Now, this is how I felt at the time we made this list:

               

                -I am frustrated, angry; I feel betrayed; I feel like I’ve been lied to

                -I don’t feel like I’m doing at all what I thought I’d be doing

                -I am feeling very under-utilized

                -I feel like no one is listening/I haven’t been heard

                -I feel trapped (stuck at a placement where I’m being under-utilized)

                -I feel like I have not been given the tools/resources to discern

                -I feel like the “community” part is the only good thing now

                -I came in with high expectations and have been greatly disappointed

                -I feel like I’m stunted with no room to grow

I had expressed some of these feelings to supervisors, friends, and mentors, but still had these feelings. One day, probably a week after making this list, I had conversations with a few people about how I was feeling. Each one of them said the same thing. They said that I have been given an amazing opportunity to live in the city. I might not be doing what I thought I’d be doing or what I wanted to be doing, but there are so many amazing things in the city I can get involved with. They all said to use the negative things that had been happening, use the negative feelings and turn them around to do something good. Hearing that was like a slap in the face and a wakeup call.

After that my attitude changed dramatically. Things started to improve by 100%! Opportunities started to present themselves. One day, the teacher I work with was sick and I had to be in charge of the class. I’m getting emails about volunteer opportunities at churches that have programs for LGBTQ youth, which is something I’m quite passionate about. The Center on Halsted (the LGBTQ center in Chicago) has many volunteer opportunities! I’m signed up for their volunteer orientation after Thanksgiving.

Satan is working. He’s trying to make me lose focus, get me distracted. God, however, is working much harder.

I was at church on Sunday at the church where I help with the drumming class. The interim pastor there is the one who was our interim site coordinator while the actual site coordinator was on maternity leave. He and I have had many conversations over the past six weeks. He told me on Sunday that in the past month and a half he has already seen me grow so much. It made me realize that all that I’ve been through in such a short time has all been worth it. There will still be struggles, but without struggles, we can’t grow. As uncomfortable as it may be, it will be worth it all! 

It's been almost a month!

Greetings from East Garfield Park! I’m finishing up my fourth week in Chicago, my third week of my placement at Breakthrough Urban Ministries, and I just finished my first drumming class at Frist Church of the Brethren.

Even though I’ve only been here for a few weeks there have already been many lessons learned. 1) Communication is key, 2) Confirm, confirm, confirm, and 3) When the weatherman says there is a 10% chance of rain you should always take your umbrella; if you don’t take your umbrella you’ll end up standing in the pouring down rain for thirty minutes while waiting on a bus.

We can’t learn a lesson unless something bad happens or something goes wrong, right? There have been many struggles in the last few weeks; struggles so hard and frustrating that I wanted to give up. Then there was a series of thoughts that entered my mind: why am I doing this? What am I here for? What am I supposed to learn? Then I realized a common theme. “I” These are very self-centered thoughts. I was trying to do these things on my own. I can’t do any of this on my own. I really had to change my way of thinking about this year of service. What does God have in store for me? What does God want me to learn? Why does God have me here for this year? These are questions I don’t know the answers to, and I probably won’t get the answers right away. I have to be open to what He has for me and be ready for it at the time He chooses.

Now, let me talk a little about my jobs. Breakthrough Urban Ministries is an organization that has many community outreaches. I’m working with the Breakthrough Youth Network in the second grade class. The last week and a half was a bit crazy with the teachers’ strike, but we managed to get through it. Yesterday was the first day back to school for the kids and they were absolutely wild! It was quite the rough day. I imagine it was because they were back in school and didn’t have as much time to release some of their energy, so it came out when they were with us after school. Each day gets better, but there are still some struggles. I’d ask that you pray these wrinkles would be ironed out soon.

This evening was the first drumming class at First Church of the Brethren and it was so much fun! We have a professional drummer come in and teach the kids how to play. I’m learning right along with them. We had five kids tonight with three of them being returning youth from when the church had the program in years past, and the other two were brand new! I was very encouraged by this tonight! We aren’t learning on a traditional drum set, but rather African hand drums. I was having just as much fun playing these drums as the kids were! I’m really excited about next week!

Some other struggles have been some very real ones. I have never really considered myself to be “privileged”, but since moving up here to this neighborhood, I realized I am privileged beyond my wildest imagination. Also, I’ve never felt like a minority until I was the only white person on the bus. I’ve never known what it was like to have people stare, point, and whisper and know they were talking about me. I’ve heard comments like, “What does that white boy think he’s doing over here?” I remember not only being the only white person on the bus, but having the only empty seat next to me on the bus. I remember feeling like someone with a highly contagious disease that no one wanted to catch. The people getting on the bus were asking if there were seats available and others on the bus were pointing to the seat next to me. They would ask repeatedly and the response was, “There’s a seat next to that white guy.” To which the individuals getting on the bus would reply, “I’m not sitting next to him.” I had no idea how to take that. I still don’t. As an out, gay man I’ve had people yell inappropriate things in my direction. I’ve been able to let those things role off my back and not have a negative effect on me. For some reason, being the only white person on a bus, or being the white guy that walks up the block to the train is so much more daunting than anything anyone has ever said or done to me for being gay. This has been and will continue to be a tremendous learning experience.

I would ask that you all continue to pray for God’s leading every step of the way throughout this year. I have a strong feeling that He is leading me in a direction and I’m so willing and ready to go and extremely excited to follow this leading. I will keep you all informed as opportunities present themselves. Some things I’d ask you to pray for: 1) The struggles I’ve been having adjusting to my work placement, 2) my roommates as they adjust to their work placements, 3) that God will reveal Himself to me and lead me in the direction I should be going.

Finally, I’ve received a few emails asking if there are any things I need. After being here for almost a month there are a few things I do need. If anyone would like to take care of these needs, I would greatly appreciate it: 1) Postage Stamps, 2) Backpack (nothing fancy, no flashy colors or patterns), 3) Light jacket for fall (walking and waiting on the train could be a bit chilly in the upcoming weeks and months), 4) Bibles (I’m really making it a point to get into God’s word and study it and learn it. I have a couple translations but would love to have a few more. I currently have the King James Version (KJV), The Message, and the New American Standard Bible (NASB). I am open to any translation that would help me in studying God’s word)

Thank you all so much for your love, support and encouragement!

Blessings and the Peace of Christ to you all!

Two weeks of orientation

First, let me start by giving another financial update. I am now at $3,325 of my $6,500. Thank you so much to those who have given already. If you would like to donate, or know more about what I’m doing this year, feel free to send me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Here it is the end of my Chicago orientation and I feel like I need to process a lot. We have had so much to take in over the past two weeks. We had a full week of orientation in Stony Point, NY and then a week of orientation here in Chicago.

Last week’s orientation was great! There was a lot of useful information given to us. At the same time, there were a lot of emotional struggles that came up during the week; things I had thought I had dealt with from my past resurfaced. I was not at all prepared for that. I am so thankful for the new friends I made and the staff that was there. Without them I’m not sure how I would have handled myself or what I would have done. The Lord worked in my life in so many ways. The worship services were a huge blessing every night. We were all there for the same reasons and with the same goal in mind and this is what bonded us together. From the time I set foot on the grounds of The Stony Point Center, I knew, and could feel it was a safe space, a place where I could be myself, no one would judge me, and a place where I immediately felt love.

This week has been a very long one as well. We’ve been asked the same questions many, many times. We’ve met so many new people. We started this week with a crash course in the grid system of Chicago. Then Tuesday afternoon we were given a list of addresses we had to find and explore. It was great. My group only had to ask for directions once, and even then we really didn’t ask for directions. Here’s that story. So, we had to find a library, and if we were able get a library card we were supposed to do that. We were heading in the right direction, but we weren’t too sure so we pulled out our handy dandy map. Yeah, that didn’t make us look lost at all. A nice young lady pushing a stroller stopped and asked if we needed help. I said that we were new to the city and we were supposed to be finding a library. She told us that’s exactly where she was going, but that it was the big brick building almost directly in front of us. Wednesday is when we started visiting our placements. It’s nice to see where everyone will be working and what they will be doing. There was just so much to take in all at once. I felt like sensory overload was taking place today. I am so ready for free time tomorrow. I’ll take lots of pictures and get out there and explore!

One thing I am going to miss this time of year is all the small town festivals and fun stuff like that. It’s been tradition for my family to go to the Sweetcorn Festival in Hoopeston, IL. I’m not sure the last time that I missed it. From what I’ve seen, it’s supposed to rain down there this weekend, so maybe it’s ok that I’m not going to be there. Watching a parade in the rain isn’t my idea of fun. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll find something fun to do. I may venture out to Jazz Fest which is going on this weekend. We’ll see…

Well, it’s getting late (it’s 11:02pm) and I’m wiped out! I must be getting old! Not really, just a lot to take in this week. So, I’m signing off for now. I’ll be sure to take pictures and share some of my experiences about venturing out into the city solo. I’m sure there will be some funny stories about taking wrong turns, getting off at the wrong L stop.

Thank you all for your prayers! I love you and miss you!

James

Brief update

So, I haven’t written a blog in a while. I guess I’ll take this free time during orientation to give a brief update about some things.

First, I want to let everyone know where I’m at in my fundraising efforts. As of my last update I was at $2,900. This means that I still need to raise $3,600. That’s only 36 people giving $100 each. I know that not everyone has sent in their support, so I am confident that this number will continue to rise as the year progresses. If any of you would like to donate or know more information about what I’m doing just send me a message and I’ll do my best to get that to you quickly.

Second, I thought I’d let everyone know about my placements while I am in Chicago. I will be working with an after-school program at First Church of the Brethren. I will also be working with an organization called Breakthrough. With this organization I’ll be working with first and second graders during an after-school program. As far as specific things I’ll be doing, I’m really not exactly sure.

Thirdly, I am having a blast at orientation so far, and it’s only Tuesday! It didn’t really start off that way, though. See, I have been anxious about this for a few weeks. The few nights before leaving for orientation, I didn’t sleep very well, if at all. Sunday, I took some of my belongings to the house I’ll be staying while in Chicago. Walking around the city with suitcases can be pretty agonizing. But I managed to get it done. I didn’t sleep well Sunday night either. A very close friend reassured me all would be well. I started my trek to the airport at 7:30 am for an 11:05 flight. By the time I got to the airport my legs were sore and tired. My shoulders ached from the two bags I had draped over them. Then, out of the blue I began to get the chills, but I was feeling very warm. I thought to myself, “I can’t get sick, they’ll send me home.” It wouldn’t go away. I tried to sleep on the plain, but didn’t get to do much of that. We arrived in Newark and I found my way to the terminal where the YAVs would be meeting. They seemed like a great and fun group of people, but I was just tired and feeling miserable. I decided I would go to one of the shops and find something that would help make me feel better, even if only temporary. The Advil seemed to help, along with the Coke I washed it down with. I began to perk up and be my “normal” self everyone seems to know and love. But on the van ride to the retreat site things started to go back to feeling miserable. I knew that my anxiety and insecurity of going into the realm of the unknown, I was making myself physically ill. My group arrived at the site after dinner had been served, but they had made us plates so we could eat when we arrived. By the time we were done eating the evening worship service had just started. It was during this time of worship I let go of everything and gave it over to God. He is the Great Physician, if I was going to be helped, I knew He would be the one to do it. I’m happy to say I had an amazing night of sleep and, with the exception of some stiffness from carrying all my luggage, I’m feeling so much better today! I would still covet your prayers for continued health, not just for me and my housemates, but for all the other YAVs. The work we will be doing is going to be emotionally draining and at times physically demanding.

Finally, I’d like to say thank you to everyone who has already supported me financially, but also to those who are supporting me with prayer. I know the power of prayer is a very great thing.

I’m having a wonderful time so far and I know I’ll be learning many more great things during this week and also during the weeks and months to come. I’m excited for what God has in store for me.

Well, I think it’s time to go play Frisbee with some of the others! Until next time!

James